1. Write Down Your List of Must-haves in a Partner
Spend a few minutes writing down everything you’ve been looking for in a partner. Everything. His hair color, eye color, height, weight, job, earning capacity, the area he lives in, the car he drives, the relationship he has with his mother, how active he is, his body type. How long is his hair? How affectionate is he? Does he cuddle afterwards or just roll over?
Great. Take a few minutes to read over your list. Did you get it all? Add anything you may have left out.
Perfect.
Now rip the damn list up. Now. Yup, you heard me. Rip it up.
Up to this point in your life you’ve obviously got it wrong; Why on earth would you continue looking for the exact replica of a person it’s never worked with before? The old saying goes; If you want a different result, you gotta do something different.
2. Write Your Values List
Now let’s look at this from a different angle. Take some time now to write down a list of your own values. What is really important to you in your life? You can include as many values as you like (here’s a list of 200 values but feel free to add your own). Let me get you started; Respect, kindness, gentleness, truth, honesty, passion, connection, intimacy, monogamy, compassion, family, thoughtfulness…
Take a look at your list and pick your top 10 values and then put them in order from 1 to 10. Now we’re talking. This is what you should be looking for in a partner. No list is ever right or wrong, it’s just what’s right for YOU. Can you honestly say that this is the type of person you’ve been allowing into your life? Your time is your most precious gift so why are you freely gifting it to people that don’t align with your most important life values?
Not that your values can’t change over time. You should really look at your values at least twice a year so you can ensure you’re living and focusing your life in the areas and ways that are most important to you. We definitely change and grow the more life experience we have, so values, too, change over time. (This is a topic for another day but is definitely the fastest way to you living a truly happy and fulfilled life.).
This list (especially the top 5 values) are non-negotiable when you’re looking for love.
Read it often so you’ll recognize a person that shares your most important values when you meet them or as you get to know them.
3. Love Yourself First
You are so worth it. In a world of more than a billion people, there is only one of you. Just one. And in this amazing world, only you can bring your uniqueness into being. Start looking after yourself. Most of us think we’re not good enough for one reason or another (good enough for what, I’m not sure!) but truth be told, no one really gives a toss about another person for more than a few seconds at a time. We’re all so busy worrying about what other people think of us that we haven’t actually got any time left to worry about you! So, find out who you are and what you’ve got to offer in your lifetime. Take a journey into yourself and see if you can find the special things that are wonderful about you (if you don’t already know them); is it painting, music, art, dancing, poetry, building, drawing, shopping, fashion, connecting to others, helping out, helping people up, being a great friend, writing, blogging, jumping, laughing, joking, working, animals, stars, film, children, the list is endless because we are individuals. Read, write, learn about yourself. You are awesome. I know it and so should you.
And by the way, if you don’t know how wonderful you are, then how on earth do you expect anyone else to know it either?
4. Start Doing Things You Love Because You Love to Do Them
What do you love to do? Do you do it enough? Have you read all those books you’ve been meaning to? Do you still go to the gym/walking/hiking/riding/beach/pool/park? Do you walk your dog enough? Do you even have a dog? (you should get one, they’re awesome). Snuggle your cat. Have a bath with a massive glass of wine and your favorite mag. Light your own candles. Burn incense or oil. Frost yourself in crystals. Go to the library. Watch your favorite movie. Binge Netflix (stop at one show or things could get messy ;-)). Play music. Dress up. Dance. Change your cushions (this is a favorite of mine). Do stuff you love every single day because this is all part of what makes life such a treasure.
5. Hang Out With Your Friends
Hang out with people you love. No energy vampires, Debbie downers or negative Nancy’s allowed. You’re a sum of the five main people you hang out with, so choose wisely. When you’re with your tribe, you fill your love tank. Talk, cry, sit, walk, work out, wine and dine but most of all make sure you laugh. Laughter is the best medicine you can get.
Even if you can’t get together in person, connect on Facetime or Messenger. Don’t just text or email. There’s nothing quite like seeing your bestie’s smiling face to fill your heart up.
And if you haven’t had a friend in a while, find something you love to do and go do it. What better way to make a friend than connecting while doing something you both love.
6. Connect to Your Spirit
Take time to connect to your spiritual nature. Believer or non, you still need to take time to look after your soul. Here’s a few simple ways that’ll take less than 5 minutes a day.
Meditate every day. Even 2 minutes being with the breath is enough to reconnect to yourself. Just count your breath from 1 to 10 and continue for 10 rounds. The counting allows the mind to focus on something other than thoughts and take a break from a crowded head space. Stillness is a great friend in times of rush, stress, turmoil and sadness.
Keep a gratitude journal. Just note 3 things a day that you’re grateful for. As simple as a smile from a passer-by, or the glimpse of the sun on a rainy day. It’s a free and easy reminder of how lucky we are to be alive.
Pray if that’s your thing. When you connect to your God you can never be lonely. There’s always someone who’s got your back and is with you everywhere you go.
7. Clean Your Space
Once you’ve started the journey into being your authentic self, clear your home and surroundings of any reminders that are keeping you in the past. Put or give away anything that is a constant reminder of past relationships or times in your life that no longer serve you. Releasing clutter from your space allows renewed energy to move in and clear away negativity that has been holding on. For a holistic approach, you may want to smudge your space with a sage ritual or move around some furniture to improve your home’s fencing. Anything that will help you to let go of the past and be open to new experiences is a wonderful thing to do for yourself.
Conclusion
We are all on this life journey for the sake of LOVE. There is no other reason. Each of us has a life purpose, some have found it, some have not, but in the end our purpose all boils down to sharing, giving and receiving, LOVE. That’s it. Secrets out. There are millions of people out there looking for the same connection you are. You’re not going to meet them nor recognize them if you’re limiting yourself to a list of what looks good on the outside or what’s just beneath the surface. Dive deep into what is important to you and you’ll start to see this reflected in the RIGHT kind of people you meet (maybe they’re already in your life but you just haven’t recognized it yet?). In the meantime, fill yourself up with your own self-love and the love of Spirit so when you meet someone who could be right for you, you have so much love just waiting to share their way. You’ll probably be so busy enjoying your life, you might even have to reschedule some stuff to fit them in
